The Value of Failure in Unstructured Play
By Brenna Jeanneret
My hands hover anxiously around my son’s tiny body. One of his feet dangles precariously from a slippery, snow-covered tree as he searches desperately for his next gloved handhold. He is several feet off the ground and time stands still as I focus on his flailing limbs.
I can sense the nervousness and excitement with which he is pushing his own limits. I want to support his exploration without holding him back but I am overcome with doubt and questions. “Am I too close? Not close enough? Even though I’m not touching him, is my close proximity a message that I don’t trust him, therefore he shouldn’t trust himself? Do I encourage him along the way or stay silent? Should I have even allowed this activity to begin with?!”
As a rock climber, I’m no stranger to taking physical risks. But it was not until I had a child that I was forced to examine it so closely or, more importantly, how it pertains to another person. Thus far, it has been a solitary endeavor in which I am constantly managing and assessing the risk that I am comfortable with while attempting to balance my reservations with my son’s fearlessness.
Anna Sharratt, the founder of Free Forest School (FFS) and a longtime climber, puts it like this, “For me, climbing is all about understanding the difference between real and perceived risk, separating risk and fear, and making informed decisions that weigh both risks and benefits. And this is the same mindset we want to cultivate in caregivers as well as kids. Just because something seems scary, doesn’t mean it’s necessarily a physical risk. Or maybe there is a degree of risk involved, but, upon consideration, we find the benefits outweigh the risks.”
For instance, the slippery tree I mentioned earlier: Had I told him he couldn’t climb the tree at all he would have missed out on an opportunity for growth. Pushing his own physical boundaries is necessary for him to learn what he’s capable of. In the end, he did fall, but it was into a soft, fluffy pile of snow. The next time he eyes a snowy tree to climb he’ll have this experience to draw from–an experience that tells him it’s okay to trust himself, knowing that risking a fall is not always something to fear.
Also, telling him “no” would have set up a power struggle and taken away my ability to communicate with him about his fear and potential risks. And this time he might have gone higher than he felt comfortable just because I told him not to. Instead, when I supported his endeavor he was able to be more thoughtful about the boundaries he was willing to push. Therein laying the groundwork for future risk and fear assessment.
Anna adds, “It is a true gift to our kids to first take on our own fears as parents, to bring some awareness to how we communicate those fears with our kids, and to create space to assess and manage risk together rather than just calling all the shots for our kids.”
Like many parents, I want to teach my son problem-solving skills, resilience, and how to assess risk. This article from Tinkergarten on problem-solving and this one on resilience by Childhood by Nature are great places to start.
FFS recently partnered with a research team at the University of Minnesota, taking this question of risk and failure in unstructured play to a new level. Though research on the benefits of risk-taking is ample, little has been done on the communication between parent and child in these instances.
This project will pay specific attention to “…the texture of parent-child conversations in these settings, in particular qualitative, discourse analyses that can richly inform parenting practices around children’s autonomous inquiry, healthy risk-taking, and productive failure.” Anna sums it up, “Essentially, the researchers are looking at what parents and caregivers do and say when kids encounter challenges and take risks, and how the conversation that ensues helps to support the kind of risk-taking that results in learning and growth. How do we support our kids in these challenging situations in ways that give them room to develop their own judgment, perseverance, and understanding of natural consequences?”
David DeLiema is the assistant professor in the Department of Educational Psychology and the lead researcher on the project. Ashley Hufnagle is a doctoral student in the Department of Educational Psychology whose dissertation will focus on emotional regulation in parent-child interactions during impasses. Justin Baker is a doctoral student from the Human Factors and Ergonomics Department who will be focusing on what it means to support children’s autonomy. Also supporting the project are Sheila Williams Ridge (Shirley G. Moore Lab School), Stephanie Carlson (Institute of Child Development), and Anna Sharratt (Free Forest School).
The team spent the better part of last year working with FFS families to gather data on the parent-child dynamic to assess how risk and therefore failure in unstructured outdoor play is carried out.
Families who participated were initially surveyed. The second part of the study invited the families to record 15-20 minute videos of adult-child unstructured play. And lastly, the families followed up to reflect on and discuss the recordings with the researchers “…focusing in particular on what parents consider moments of risk-taking, failure, and playfulness in nature.”
I met with David, Ashley, and Justin over Zoom to talk with them about their research. They gave thoughtful, thorough answers about gathering data and the purpose of the study. But what really stood out about their answers was the collective passion when they spoke about what they might find and the implications it may have for parents and caregivers “…interested in reflecting in new ways on how they can support children during moments of failure.”
The team is in the beginning stages of this project and plan to process and compile what they have found over the next couple of years. According to Baker, “…we’re equally in the dark about what “effective” is at this point, and if anything we’re hoping to draw attention to that fact, and how much diversity there appears to be in how parents handle those tricky moments.”
He went on to say “…I’ve been struck by how well parents and their kids manage to co-navigate these moments. I want to stress that this is NOT a research conclusion–but there seems to be a lot of wisdom between mothers and their children, at least enough to match the anxiety of the moments!”
This last comment rang so true for me. As caregivers, we constantly swap stories, approaches, and advice, hoping that we can help someone out, or on the other end, that we can find some pearl of wisdom that will help us get through whatever current challenge we are dealing with. However, it is always, always with the caveat that every kid is different and every family has a unique approach! Weaving together all the individual experiences and knowledge, we have remarkable collective wisdom. The space Free Forest School creates for this type of exchange–whether online or in the forest–is powerful.
As we wrapped up the conversation, David shared the team’s sheer gratitude for the families who have participated. Without the openness with which these families shared the candid moments of their lives, this project would not be a reality. So, to all of the FFS families out there who so generously took part, thank you!
I am looking forward to following along with this project to see what communication gems lay within parent-child interactions. Until then here are a few other FFS articles on risk and failure to check out.
Nurture their Nature Through Play: Power, Agency, and Risk in Public Outdoor Education
The Story Behind the Skinned Knee: Building Resilience Through Unstructured Play
“I Do it MySELF!” Making Space and Encouraging Independent Children
Brenna Jeanneret is a writer who shares stories as an outdoor climbing mom. She writes about the messy and authentic intersection where adventure and parenthood collide. Check out her writing on her personal site at www.brennajeanneret.com, find her on Instagram @brennajeanneret, or look for her new podcast The ReWild Mamas where she discusses adventure and motherhood.